Hylian Idol
by Bluest Skies
Summary: Rated cuz it will get raunchier later on. A parody on American Idol with Zelda chars! New hosts! I FINALLY UPDATED! CHAPTER 7 IS UP!!!
1. Hylian Idol

Hylian Idol  
  
Disclaimer: K, I don't own any of the people on this fic but the audience. They are owned by the all-mighty Shigeru Miyamoto. All hail Shigeru.  
  
With that out of the way, let's continue! (  
  
Scene opens to show a stage lit by torches, with our hosts, "That runner guy" and Tingle.  
  
That runner guy: Yah! Hello! Welcome to Hylian Idol! As you may already know, our contestants will each perform separately during a different scene! At the end, we'll find out who the Hylian Idol will be!  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Tingle: Hello! Anyone want maps?  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Tingle: ok, well uh. Our judges! First, please welcome.the Hero of Time.the Triforce of Courage.and the heart throb of Hyrule.(Kooloo-Limpah, Kooloo-Limpah) Link!  
  
Girls in Audience: AAAHHHHHHH! (lots of swooning, heavy breathing, etc)  
  
Link: (combs hair back in girly manner) Thank you! Thank you.  
  
Tingle: Next, the Princess of Hyrule herself.the Triforce of Wisdom (man, how'd she get to be THAT triforce?).and an all around hottie.Zelda!  
  
Men in Audience: Whoo-hoo! Yeah, baby!  
  
Zelda: (staring up at ceiling slack-jawed while twirling hair) (blankly) Whaaaaat?  
  
Tingle: And, finally.King of the Gerudos.  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Tingle: Triforce of Power.  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Tingle: and horrible villain.  
  
Audience: BOO!  
  
Tingle: (yelling over Audience) It's Ganondorf!  
  
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Ganondorf: Silence! Or I'll turn you all into Tingle! (points finger threateningly, all hush)  
  
Runner: And now onto our first contestant.care to do the honors, Tingle?  
  
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!  
  
Runner: (sigh) never mind I'll do it. (runs around in circles at blinding speed) Please welcome.(pant, pant) Malon of Lon Lon Ranch! (stops, heaves and coughs)  
  
Malon: Hey guys! I'm gonna sing...........................................Epona's Song!  
  
Ganondorf: If you didn't see that coming, raise your hand. (no one raises their hand. Zelda eagerly holds her hand high in the air, grinning) *sigh*  
  
Malon: But I wrote my own lyrics!  
  
Link: Farore help us.  
  
Malon: (to Epona's song) Epona, Epona, How I love you so.(with country twang and accent) skin brown like cow manure.  
  
Audience: oog!  
  
Malon: Faster than Speed Racer.. (stops singing) That's it! (  
  
Link: ok, I guess I'll start the commentary, since I AM the best! (does hair flip, winks at camera) Malon, you're performance was good, but only because you are so.how shall I put this.(drools) Zelda?  
  
Zelda: ..........(stares at ceiling dumbly while twirling hair, looks back down, suddenly realizing what is going on and still twirling hair) (stupidly) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAT!  
  
Ganondorf: Well, Malon, I'll tell you this. Stay with the cow manure.  
  
Audience; Boo! Hiss!  
  
Ganondorf: After all, it is at all of you measly hylians' levels! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (grins evilly) (Malon runs offstage crying)  
  
Runner: Yah! We'll be back as soon as Tingle stops doing his happy dance!  
  
Tingle: (dancing a happy irish dance)  
  
Link: (looking at script) wait, there is no Ireland in Hyrule!  
  
Runner: Well, there's also not enough people in Hyrule to make an audience, but no one's perfect!  
  
(Link shrugs, lights dim)  
  
So how'd u like it? Good? Bad? Flaming is allowed in all interviews! I was thinking of using Kafei and Anju for hosts, but I'm not sure. 


	2. Scene 2

Deku Scrub: Yay! Many reviews!  
  
Runner: Yah! Now Tingle and I will be introducing each scene with Deku Scrub!  
  
Deku Scrub: Yuppers! And I'll admit that wasn't my idea originally- it was asarhia's (did I spell it right?) Man, I own nothing! Not even my own introductions!:(  
  
Tingle: It's ok. Tingle doesn't own anything too.  
  
Deku Scrub: I have something in common with Tingle? That is so sad.  
  
Runner: Erm.Yah! Due to popular request by you the viewers  
  
Deku Scrub: Reviewers that is! Haha.  
  
Tingle: Kafei and Anju are now hosting the show. Tingle-Tingle Kooloo- Limpah!  
  
(Other two dummy smack Tingle)  
  
Hylian Idol  
  
Kafei: Welcome to the second episode of Hylian Idol! I am Kafei, one of your two hosts-  
  
Anju: And I, the cuuco la- er, Anju, am your second host! (Pease come to the stock-pot in.WE NEED MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
Kafei: Honey, I don't think now is a good time to be advertising your business. Why don't you introduce our contestant for today?  
  
Anju: Oh, you can sweetie bunch...  
  
Kafei: No, I want you, teddy schnookums!  
  
Anju: No, you can, snicker doodle sugar pie...  
  
(Link rolling eyes and looking disgusted in background)  
  
Ganondorf: Will you get on with it before I zap you both into cuccos?!  
  
Kafei: NO!  
  
Anju: Yay! Ok but neway.our first contestant is.(pull out little piece of paper) A- er, umm, wait a minute, this can't be right.  
  
Kafei: What is it, pookie dumpling? (Ganondorf waves finger threateningly)  
  
Anju: Well, the note doesn't say a name....it just says 'a bandit'  
  
(A strange bandit with a black cloak covering his/her body walks from stage left)  
  
Bandit: Hi (ahem, herm.voice lowers) Hi. For my song I will sing......"My Heart Will Go On"  
  
Link: I thought Celine Dion didn't exist in Hyrule? Darn...at least, I was hoping...  
  
Zelda: Oooo! I like Celine Dion!  
  
(Ganondorf shudders)  
  
Bandit: (shrugs, begins to whistle hum in an annoyingly high pitch by bringing two fingers to mouth) "And I know that my heart will go ooooooooonnn,"  
  
(Ganondorf rolls eyes)  
  
Bandit: "We'll stay forever this way,"  
  
(Link is combing hair in hand-mirror, suddenly notices camera is on him and turns to camera. He winks and starts flexing his muscles to camera)  
  
Bandit: You are safe in my heart and,  
  
(Zelda is singing along with words with one hand on chest, other hand twirling hair)  
  
Bandit: My heart will go on and oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (pauses, takes deep breath) oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Anju: Judges? (winks at Kafei, who smiles slyly and begins to breathe heavily)  
  
Link: Well, erm...it was, um...who are you, anyways?  
  
Bandit: Erm...I like you  
  
Link: (grins) Well, who doesn't? Um, in that case- I mean you get an 11 out of 10, which has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you like me (laughs nervously)  
  
Zelda: (staring confusedly at ceiling while twirling hair, suddenly realizes what is going on and looks at camera while still twirling hair) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAT! (looks back at ceiling while twirling hair)  
  
Ganondorf: Personally I hated every second of it. Take off your cloak so I may humiliate you more on live Hyrule television.  
  
Bandit: NO! IT IS MY CLOAK AND I LIKE IT! (twitch, twitch)  
  
Ganondorf: ...okay...  
  
Bandit: You will never catch me! (runs off stage but trips and falls, cloak flies off. Reveals Impa running away)  
  
Ganondorf: Um...what?  
  
Zelda: Hey! That's my line!  
  
(Ganondorf and Link sigh)  
  
(camera turns to Anju and Kafei, who making out passionately)  
  
Audience: Awwww.... (their expressions change) eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...  
  
(Ganondorf and Link grimace, while Zelda satres blankly at the ceiling)  
  
(Anju and Kafei turn in the middle of a kiss to see camera on them, Anju drops Kafei, who thuds loudly on the floor. Anju grins nervously at camera)  
  
Anju: So, erm...That's it for Hylian Idol today! Hehe...AND GO TO THE STOCK POT INN! WE NEED MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kafei: Oog, my aching head...***O__O***  
  
(lights dim)  
  
Disclaimer: Hope you liked it! Tell me if you want to see more of Anju and Kafei, or if you are tired of stimulated midgets and inn/cucco owners and want to see someone else do it! You call the shots! :) 


	3. Scene 3

Disclaimer: Yay! You peeps like it! I'm so happy.*sniff* neways, um, Fire Fairy congratulations! U guessed them all rite! G-Dorf, of course, is Simon, Zelda is Paula cuz Paula is too nice in my opinion, and Link is Randy cuz he thinks too much of himself (I think I'm gonna get severely injured by certain peeps if I keep on makin Link like this but oh well!). Also, I like that celine dion song too, but don't tell ne1 cuz guys rn't supposed 2 like celine dion! Plus more people our age hate her than like her, so I wanna make them laugh. Oh yeh and uh I've decided each chappy to have a dif host. The introduction will always feature the host from the last chappy, so now we'll have Kafei and Anju! Yay!  
  
Deku Scrub: Yes! Keep on reviewing people! I'm luving it!  
  
Kafei: just like I'm loving you, Anju doll.  
  
Deku Scrub: (shivers) Neways, this episode will be hosted by none other than.drum roll pleez.  
  
Anju: ok! (drums on Kafei's head)  
  
Kafei: Ow! Ow! Ow! Pleez hurry!  
  
Deku Scrub: Actually I'm enjoying watching that but neways.the Scientist guy in the Lake Hylia lab and the poe guy who buys poes are gonna host today! Any hosting suggestions would be greatly appreciated, btw. So neways um here we go!  
  
Anju: Hope you like the show today! (AND GO TO THE STOCK POT INN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T I'LL BE BROKE AND KAFEI AND I WILL HAVE TO GO TO STONE TOWER TEMPLE FOR OUR HONEYMOON!!! AND THAT PLACE IS SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
Deku Scrub: well mayb if u didn't let people stay at ur inn for FREE, you may get some frikkin money! Neway.  
  
Hylian Idol  
  
Scene 3  
  
Scientist: Uhoy hoy! Today on my cooking show, how to sautee those pesky frog eyes and -  
  
Poe guy: (I always pictured him having a dark and creepy voice) Uhh, this isn't your cooking show it's Hylian Idol (why I'm on it and not wallowing in my own darkness, I have NO idea, but.)  
  
Scientist: Well, um we will also show how to serve Zora eggs with the eyes and - PG: DANG IT! THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIGGIN SHOW THIS IS A SHOW WHERE PEOPLE SING AND GET JUDGED!!!!! YOU STUPID SCIENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Scientist: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...it 's THAT show....dang I thought it was Emeril! Well neway.I feel stupid.  
  
PG: You should. POES!!! (twitch)  
  
Scientist: What did you just say?!  
  
Pg: I said You should.  
  
Scientist: You also said POES!!!  
  
PG: No I didn't.  
  
Scientist: Yes you did.  
  
PG: No I didn't!  
  
Link: Ahem........(shows judges, who are waiting impatiently except for Zelda who is, you guessed it, twirling her hair while staring blankly at the ceiling. Ganondorf dummy smacks her, and she just sits there, still twirling her hair)  
  
Ganondorf: sigh...we're waiting!!!  
  
Scientist: Oh, right, ummmmmmmm...you introduce her  
  
PG: No way I can't pronounce that!  
  
Scientist: Oh, give me that! (takes little card away from PG) Saria?1 You can't pronounce SARIA?!  
  
PG: Gimme a break! I can barely pronounce Link!  
  
(Link and Scientist sigh at the same time)  
  
Scientist: Stop we're boring the reviwers! Neways...Tonight we have Kokiri girl Saria singing "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston!  
  
Zelda: Ooh! I love this song! Don't you Lnky? (hugs Link, Ganondorf pouts in jealousy)  
  
Saria: (walks onstage with a long black dress and sapphire earrings) "And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-EEE-IIIIIIIIIII will always love yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!  
  
(Zelda cuddles up to Link while twirling her hair, burying her head in his chest and whispering the words, Saria gets angry look on her face)  
  
Saria: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU I.  
  
(Zelda stands up angrily and walks over to Saria, they both begin to catfight as Zelda still twirls her hair and Saria still sings. LOTS OF SLAPPING!)  
  
Saria: I WILL ALWAYS...loooooove yooooooouuuuuuuuuuu. (stares at Link, who gets nasty thoughts. Icky!)  
  
(Zelda sits back down)  
  
Link: (in a series of grunts) Chyaaa! Teeey! Yaaah! (hey, I lost my speech the last time Zelda came on to me, too!)  
  
(Saria looks confused, as does Zelda, who is STILL twirling her hair and staring at the ceiling.)  
  
Link: (pointing to Zelda) Haha, isn't she great, ladies and gentlemen? Give her a round of applause!  
  
Audience: clap clap  
  
(Saria is fuming)  
  
Link: Saria as for you, Saria, all I can say is (drools) Haaaah!  
  
(Ganondorf grimaces in disgust)  
  
Zelda: (staring at ceiling while twirling her hair) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  
  
Ganondorf: It's your turn, idiot!!!  
  
Zelda: Oh.right.um (suddenly loses her dumb blonde personality and becomes a valley girl) Well, aside from the fact that you are my only competition for Link, I must say you have NO-O (does that weird snap over her head as she says no) chance with him, so BACK OFF LIL MS UNDERAGE! Aside from that. (changes back to dumb blonde persona and resumes twirling her hair) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!  
  
Ganondorf: I am going to say that it was not a bad performance, but I've seen you do better.  
  
Saria: But you've never seen me sing before.  
  
Ganondorf: I know.(grins sinisterly) I have a secret camera in Link's house! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: AH! SO YOU'VE SEEN ME NAKED?!  
  
Saria: AH! YOU LITTLE PERVERT! YOU'VE SEEN US MAKE OUT?!  
  
Zelda: Ooh, Link naked? Can I borrow the tape?  
  
Ganondorf: Actually I already posted it on the Internet!  
  
Saria: YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cowers in corner) I feel so violated..................  
  
(Saria runs off angrily, and trips over her dress)  
  
Zelda: HAHA! (still twirling hair and staring at ceiling)  
  
Scientist: uhhmmmm.riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight  
  
PG: This chappy has to be R now.  
  
Scientist: *shrug*  
  
PG: Erm...Join us next time.??  
  
Scientist: Deku Scrub? What should we do in a situation like this?  
  
Deku Scrub: (wise like the old guy in all those kung-fu movies) When all else fails, dummy smack Zelda.  
  
Cast: ok!! (all dummy smack Zelda, who is still twirling her hair and staring blankly at the ceiling)  
  
Deku Scrub: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! More later! MWAHAHA! 


	4. Scene 4

Disclaimer: HYLIAN IDOL HYLIAN IDOL HYLIAN IDOL! K our reviewers liked Kafei and Anju so umm.they get an encore hosting! Yay-shizay, yo! Okay I've been watching that biggie speshul on vh1 WAY too much but neways.  
  
Scientist: I wanted to keep hosting! Dang it!  
  
Deku Scrub: Well, too frikking bad! You were terrible, and PG didn't even frikking hardly speak!  
  
PG: I'm the Lord of Poes (Humasha, Humasha) what do u expect?  
  
Deku Scrub: Well I'll tell u this people liked KAFEI AND ANJU BETTER THAN U! HAHA!  
  
PG: A horny midget and a poor inn owner...that's pretty bad...Well u have something in common with tingle! HAHA!  
  
Scientist: Shut up and get on with it!  
  
PG and Deku Scrub: Ok.....  
  
Hyliand Idol  
  
Scene 4  
  
Kafei: WHOO-HOO! WE'RE BACK! YAY!!!  
  
Anju: Yes!! It feels great! (wearing a shirt that says COME TO THE STOCK POT INN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 WE NEED MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And on the back it says HECK PEOPLE LIVE IN OUR STUPID TOILET BEGGING FOR PAPER!!!)  
  
Kafei: Um Anju? You really need 2 stop advertising your inn on this show it's starting to get frustrating.  
  
Anju: WELL I'M SORRY IF I'M THE ONLY ONE WORKING TO GET US SOME DANG CASH WHILE YOU SIT ON YOUR FAT LITTLE LAZY MIDGET BOOTY AND MAKE CRACKS ABOUT MY BOOBS WITH THE CURIOSITY SHOP OWNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! (man that's a LOT of exclamation points!)  
  
Kafei: (eyes begin to tear up and he starts gasping like he's going to cry) guh...guh...guh!  
  
Anju: Oh I'm sorry, Kafei! I shouldn't have yelled at you. (kneels down, starts cooing) it's ok, honey...you try to get a job I know...  
  
Kafei: I'm just tired of being called a midget by even my own wife! (through tears now) I mean it's hard enough to get a job when you're a midget! The only people that allow me a job are the lottery owners, and nobody goes there in Termina!  
  
Ganondorf: Hey I know the feeling. I mean be an evil king once, just ONCE, and your resume is basically trash!  
  
Zelda: (twirling her hair and chewing gum while string blankly at the audience) whoa... lots of people...hello people!!! What's going ooooooooooooon?  
  
Anju: THERE'S A LOTTERY IN TERMINA?!! I gotta go sumtime....  
  
(loud sob from Kafei)  
  
Anju: ok um we're wasting time here... neways while the next contestant performs we'll wait for Kafei to calm down...sigh...  
  
(Tingle suddenly comes onstage) Tingle: And the next contestant is Rauru! (does a happy dance)  
  
Link: Tingle, what have we told you about stealing others' hosting rights!!! Get outta here now. Guards!!! ...Wait who did you say was performing?!?!?!  
  
Tingle: (shyly and quiet) Rauru...Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!!!  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT RAURU!!!  
  
(Rauru comes onstage)  
  
Rauru: (singing) CAUSE TO LOSE ALL MY SENSES...  
  
Link: HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rauru: (off key) THAT IS JUST SO TYPICALLY ME (shaking hips in unpleasant manner)  
  
Zelda: I'm confuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuused........  
  
Rauru: OOH BABY BABAY OOPS! ( rips off dress gown thingie to reveal nothing but a thong underneath! Yeh, gross mental picture, huh?) I DID IT AGAIN! (shaking hips even more unpleasantly)  
  
Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS JUSTIFIED?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Audience is in mass mayhem as everyone covers his/her eyes. The exit doors are jammed with people trying to escape the scene of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL)  
  
Rauru: I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART, GOT LOST IN THIS GAME, OH BABY BABAY (shaking hips in a VERY DISTURBING MANNER! Also wraps arms around himself in HORRID MANNER!)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) This isn't that bad...  
  
(Link and Ganondorf look at her like she's insane)  
  
Rauru: OOPS YOU THINK I'M IN LOVE (flicks tongue at Zelda in a manner TOO HORRID TO PUT INTO WRITING!)  
  
Zelda: (eyes widen in horror) (screams VERY LOUDLY beyond all notes conceived by man and at decibels also not conceived by man) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!  
  
Rauru: THAT I'M SENT FROM ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE I'M NOT THAT INNOCENT...(Rauru grins widely) How'd I do?  
  
Link: (at an utter loss for words) Um...Well, you...Um, Remind me why we let you into this competition anyway?  
  
Rauru: Because I threatened to give you more earrings the next time you slept in the Temple of Time for 7 yrs?  
  
Link: Oh yeah, that's it...Well, I would've done a much better job. (smiles slyly at camera, which is on him)  
  
(Zelda thinks evil thoughts of Link doing what Rauru just did, and grins)  
  
Link: Heck Ganondorf could've even done a better job!  
  
(Zelda thinks of Ganondorf doing it and sticks her tongue out an cringes in utter disgust and fright)  
  
Link: What do you think, Zelda?  
  
Zelda: (snapping out of her eeeeeeeeevil thoughts) oh, what? Oh, what do I think? (twirling hair) IT WAS SCAAAAAAAARRRRRYY! (grabs Link) (in tiny voice)hold me!  
  
Ganondorf: Well, being an evil thing I am not frightened easily...(his smug look changes to a freaked out look as he remembers the performance) BUT THAT WAS JUST DISTURBING! GET OUTTA MY WAY I'M OUTTA HERE! (zaps nearby cameraman, who falls down and dies. Ganondorf runs out of the studio shrieking in pure terror. Rauru shrugs and walks offstage, and you hear shrieks backstage)  
  
Anju: Um, we're down a cameraman, and Kafei is STILL crying. (Kafei moans) What should I do Deku Scrub?  
  
Deku Scrub: (Like old Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars) When all else fails, Luke, use the force! And then, dummy smack Zelda!  
  
Cast: OK! (all dummy smack Zelda)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?  
  
Kafei: You know what, Anju? I'm beginning to feel better already!  
  
Anju: Yeah dummy smacking Zelda can do that huh? (GO TO THE STOCK POT INN!!!!!!!!!! I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T, MY MOM WILL BEAT ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
Kafei: umm... well, goodbye everyone!  
  
(three people are left in the audience, one dead from the HORROR, one covering her eyes screaming "Is it over? Is it over?!" and one trying to strangle himself with his coat)  
  
Disclaimer: hope that chappy was better than the others! And tell me what u think of the hosts? If you want them to change, I could REALLY USE SUGGESTIONS! I'm stumped! 


	5. Scene 5

Disclaimer: This chappy may be R. K um it's time to improve the show! It's been getting stale.and since we love our reviewers so much HERE YA GO! New hosts!  
  
Deku Scrub: Should we skip the intro reviewers?  
  
Kafei: No! This is the only job I have left have mercy!  
  
Anju: It'll be ok honey.(pats Kafei on head) (wearing neon flashing sign saying GO TO STOCK POT INN!)  
  
Deku Scrub: ummm.right...  
  
Hylian Idol  
  
Scene 5  
  
Epona: Hi all! Malon taught me to speak cuz I'm her only friend! Poor malon.oh well!! She rides me too much neways...  
  
Link: Um.no comment.  
  
Freaky Windmill guy: La-la-la-la-la hi welcome to hylian idol! I am Windmill guy and this is my co-host Epona! And I'm HAPPY!  
  
(Ganondorf shivers)  
  
Link: Can we get onto the show please? I'm not getting enough attention! (looks at camera and smiles slyly)  
  
Windmill guy: (eyes go all glowy and evil.eep!) Hey who's the host here ocarina boy?!?!?!  
  
Epona: Hey you leave my master alone! (whinnies and rears up on hind legs)  
  
Windmill guy: (changes back to freaky happy state) la-la-la-la-la-la!  
  
Link: (sigh) are we at the part with ME yet?  
  
Zelda: (staring at audience while twirling hair) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  
  
Ganondorf: (sigh) Make her stop being so stupid!  
  
Link: I can't I've tried. Why do you think I let you trap her in that crystal thingie? I needed a frikkin break to get my beauty rest! (hair flips to camera)  
  
Girls in Audience: aah!  
  
Windmill guy: (with evil eyes) SHUT UP!  
  
Epona: Hey! What about me?  
  
Windmill guy: WELL MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T WAIT AROUND FOR LINK TO COME RIDE YOU AND IF YOU DIDN'T COME TO HIM EVERY TIME HE CALLED YOU WOULD EARN SOME RECOGNITION!!!  
  
Link: Hey don't boss my horse around!  
  
Zelda: (twirling hairs and staring obsessively at Link) I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yooooooooooooooooooooooooooou............  
  
Ganondorf: Zelda, are you drunk?  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) the answer is b!  
  
Ganondorf: (sigh)  
  
Epona: Neways on to our first contestant! Wait.Oh, not her! Do I have to introduce her?  
  
Windmill guy: YES! (twitch twitch)  
  
Epona: eep! Ok ok...our contestant for today is...Link, I wanna apologize ahead of time for this...Princess Ruto!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh well at least she sets off MY beauty! (purrs to camera)  
  
(Ruto begins to parade out proudly)  
  
Epona: Oh and I almost forgot! (Ruto stamps her foot while whining) ........about our new cameraman! Meet.wait a minute.Tingle?  
  
Tingle: (from behind camera) Tingle Tingle Koolooh-Limpah! These are tingle's magical words. Don't steal them!  
  
Ganondorf: (zaps Tingle)  
  
Tingle: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (lays in a burnt heap on the floor) Help poor tingle...  
  
Ruto: Shut up! It is my turn to shine! (does weird snappy thing over head) This one is for you, Linky!  
  
Link: (wearing keaton mask) What? Link? There is no Link! There is only PIKACHU- er, KEATON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sh! Don't let Ruto know I'm here she'll rape me!)  
  
Ruto: I'm gonna sing "Emotions" by Mariah Carey!  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, boy she's going 2 ruin this frikkin song! And I love this song!! (sings some lines from song)  
  
Ruto: (singing and pointing to Link each time she sings "You've") YOU'VE got me feeling emotions!!  
  
Link: Of course I do! I AM the best-looking man in the universe, after all! (smooths hair and winks at camera) Oops! I mean... (puts on keaton mask) KEATON!!!  
  
Ruto: Deeper than I've ever dreamed of  
  
Zelda: Hey Zoras can swim pretty deep! (twirls hair and giggles)  
  
Ganondorf: (shaking head) (dummy smacks Zelda)  
  
Ruto: YOU'VE got me feeling emotions!! Higher than the heavens above!  
  
Windmill guy: (clapping hands to beat)  
  
Epona: (shaking head)  
  
Ruto: You know the way to make me lose control (jolts hips to try and seduce Link, who flinches while wearing the Keaton Mask) When you're looking into my eyes  
  
Ganondorf: Here we go, the high note!!!  
  
Zelda: I like writing notes!  
  
(G-dorf dummy smacks Zelda)  
  
Ruto: You make me feel so  
  
Ganondorf: CLOSE YOUR EARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ruto: ( hits a flat note WAY WAY WAY ABOVE THE SCALE!) HHHHHIIIIIII- IIIIIIIII- IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH! (glass breaks)  
  
(Tingle gets up from the daze and looks in camera lens just as glass breaks, Tingle holds eyes screaming Kooloo-Limpah! Kooloo-Limpah! And running around like an idiot, which is basically what he does all the time neway, so don't worry folks!)  
  
Ruto: (raspy) Thank you!  
  
Audience: (moans of 'my ear hurts' and 'mommy make the fish lady stop singing')  
  
Link: (takes off mask) I admit it I'm Link!  
  
Ruto: Linky poo! Want me 2 get naked 4 u?  
  
Link: ... You already are naked you've always been naked!  
  
Ruto: oh.oh yeah!  
  
Link: as for the performance, I would've easily hit that high note. But um if it will make you go away then I'll say that u did well.  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) what?  
  
Ganondorf: You idiot it's your turn to judge! (I STILL can't figure out why she is the Triforce of wisdom)  
  
Zelda: No, I mean really, what? I can't hear anymore!  
  
Ruto: Haha! Link will always be mine!  
  
Zelda: I wuv u Linky don't leave me cuz I can't hear! (hugs Link, who get more evil images. PERVERT!)  
  
Ruto: (gawking) Oh no you DI-IN'T!  
  
Zelda: Um the performance. (twirling hair) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAT! (attempts to stare at her ears)  
  
Ganondorf: Okay let's put it this way: Rauru on crack could've hit that note better than u!  
  
Ruto: Well, you're just mad cuz I am a princess and UR NOT! So BOO-YAH!  
  
Ganondorf: DO YOU WANT ME TO TURN YOU INTO RAURU ON CRACK?!  
  
Ruto: NO! HAVE MERCY! I'll go now............(blows kiss to Link and runs off)  
  
Link: Why must she love me?  
  
Tingle: AACK! (rolls around on ground trying to get glass out of eye)  
  
Ganondorf: Oh for pete's sake! (zaps Tingle and glass comes out of Tingle's eyes)  
  
Tingle: THANK YOU! As a reward, Tingle shall bless you 100 times with his magical words!  
  
Ganondorf: NO! (zaps tape onto Tingle's mouth)  
  
Link: ah, silence. Now I can get my beauty rest!  
  
Windmill guy: (back to happy mode) We hope you enjoyed this edition of Hylian idol!  
  
Epona: Why does this show always end in some cheap way?  
  
Deku Scrub: Because I'm tired of it by the end and decide to just end it on the spot.  
  
Epona: But that's not nice. If I were a reviewer, I'd -  
  
(End Scene 5) 


	6. Scene 6

Disclaimer: Do I have to say it again? Fine. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE STUPID ZELDA CHARACTERS!!! That's the last time I'm saying it.  
  
Deku Scrub: Now that that's over with.Hiya!  
  
Epona: Hi!  
  
Windmill Guy: La-la-la-la-la-la  
  
Deku Scrub: Hey! Well um, sorry I didn't update in a while I was busy taking beatings from the Kokiri kids.stupid midgets.Ow! My head!  
  
Epona: Hey a Deku Seed is lodged into it!  
  
Windmill Guy: (evil eyes) SHUT UP! ONTO THE SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Deku Scrub: Is it just me, or are any of you guys out there scared out of your minds by him?  
  
Epona: He is right tho. Let us continue!  
  
Hylian Idol  
  
Honey: Yay! We're on the show today!  
  
Darling: I couldn't be happier, darling.  
  
(Which one of them is which anyway? Oh well.)  
  
Honey: The only way I could be happier is if we could be contestants. Then I could hear your marvelous voice!  
  
Darling: Oh, but your voice is much more marvelous than mine!  
  
(Lotsa mushy stuff here)  
  
Link: (sigh)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) Why can't we be like that, Link?  
  
Link: Because you're a stupid princess who has a bald spot and I'm, well, (looks admirably at self in mirror) PERFECT!  
  
Ganondorf: Now I know why I'm evil. No relationships!  
  
Honey: His jokes aren't nearly as funny as yours, darling!  
  
Darling: Oh, don't flatter me. A lowly maggot like me hardly deserves to be in your glorious presence.  
  
(More mushy stuff)  
  
Honey: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Darling: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Honey: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Darling: I LOVE YOU!  
  
Honey: I LO-  
  
Ganondorf: (clears his throat loudly) We're waiting!  
  
Zelda: (staring at torches while twirling hair) We're WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?  
  
Link: (sigh) (dummy smacks Zelda)  
  
Honey: Why don't you introduce the show, darling?  
  
Darling: No, you do it, honey.  
  
Honey: I want you to, darling!  
  
Darling: No, by all means -  
  
Link: GET ON WITH IT BEFORE I THROW DEKU NUTS AT YOU!  
  
Ganondorf: No, no, no, Link. That's not the right way to threaten them. You need to come up with something better, THEN yell it super loud. Like this... (Clears throat)  
  
INTRODUCE THE NEXT CONTESTANT OR I'LL ZAP YOU BOTH INTO THAT FAT CARPENTER BOSS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Honey & Darling: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah! (Runs out onstage with goatee ripped off from taking the tape from his mouth)  
  
Ganondorf: (Puts his head on the judges table) Not again!  
  
Tingle: Tingle has maps! Would you like them?  
  
Audience: BOO! (Pelts Tingle with Deku Nuts, Tingle runs offstage screaming)  
  
Ganondorf: THANK you!  
  
Honey: Erm.I LOVE YOU!  
  
Darling: I LOVE YOU TOO! Shall we introduce the next contestant?  
  
Honey: I will if you will.  
  
Darling: And I will if you will.  
  
Honey: And I -  
  
Ganondorf: Come on! We're wasting time! (Zaps Honey into Fat carpenter boss guy)  
  
Darling: EEP!  
  
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Darling: Hala.......tosis... (Falls over from Honey's bad breath)  
  
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE NEXT LAZY CONTESTANT IS DARUNIA! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Link: PROTECT ME! He'll try to hug me...AND HIS HUGS REALLY HURT!  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) I'LL PROTECT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU  
  
Link: (looks at Zelda, looks back at camera) Great, I'm gonna get a Goron hug...well, that's the life of us Beautiful Folk. (Pulls back hair like he does in Smash Bros. Melee to camera)  
  
Darunia: (walks onstage) Hiya!  
  
Ganondorf: Bye-Ah!  
  
Darunia: Um...no, Hiya.  
  
Ganondorf: Dang, I thought that would trick him...  
  
Darunia: I'm gonna sing "Getting Jiggy With It" by Will Smith. (Grins proudly)  
  
Link: May the Triforce help us...  
  
(Ganondorf's Triforce and Link's Triforce glow)  
  
Ganondorf: Hey, maybe they will!  
  
(Link and G-dorf both stare at Zelda, who is staring at the ceiling while twirling her hair)  
  
Link: Dang! She's too stupid to activate her Triforce!  
  
Ganondorf: Ah well. The most they ever do is glow, anyway.  
  
(Triforces continue to glow)  
  
Darunia: (Rapping...like Aaron Carter) Hey, Kid, watch your step you might fall tryin to do what I did Mama uh! Mama uh! (Jolts hips forward twice)  
  
Link: (shudders)  
  
Darunia: I...erm... (Forgets the words, music continues) (After a long pause) GETTING JIGGY WITH IT!  
  
Band - who are the Indigo-Gos: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? (All search thru sheet music confusedly, start playing chorus music off tempo and at different parts each)  
  
Darunia: NANANANANANANA! NANANANANANA! (Doing his Saria's Song dance to Getting Jiggy With It) GETTING JIGGY WITH IT!  
  
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THEY'RE ALL WORTHLESS I TELL YOU! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
(Link faints into Zelda's chest from Honey's horrible breath)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) Link! It's only our first date!  
  
Ganondorf: Can this get any worse?  
  
(Tingle hops onstage, dancing a little happy dance in the background)  
  
Ganondorf: Grrrr...Stupid! Never say that when things are already bad! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!  
  
Darunia: GETTING JIGGY WITH IT! (Music stops, he and Tingle make matching Disco poses)  
  
Audience: ...(pelts Tingle with Stones of Agony) BOO!  
  
Tingle: OW! TINGLE IS A FAIRY! HE WILL HAUNT YOU ALL! OWOWOW! (runs offstage screaming "Tingle Tingle Kooloo-Limpah!")  
  
Darunia: So how was I? Good or great?  
  
Link: (still unconscious in Zelda's chest)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair, still scolding an unconscious Link while secretly getting REALLY NASTY IDEAS!)  
  
Ganondorf: Great.  
  
Darunia: Yay!  
  
Ganondorf: GREATLY BAD THAT IS! ELTON JOHN COULD RAP BETTER THAN YOU!  
  
Darunia: But wait...Elton John doesn't rap....  
  
Ganondorf: EXACTLY!!!  
  
Darunia: Aw...(pouts and walks away)  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAT!  
  
Ganondorf: He already left you idiot!!!  
  
Zelda: (twirling hair, looks at Link, who is still unconscious and has his face in her breast, she gets HORRIBLY EVIL IDEAS!)  
  
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'S IT FOR HYLIAN IDOL TODAY! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! 


	7. Scene 7

Disclaimer: If this chapter isn't as good as the others, please forgive me, for I haven't written a new chapter in a while and need to get back into the groove. And I'm staying up pretty danged close to my bedtime, so ya'll better DANG APPRECIATE THIS CHAPTER! If I don't get reviews...  
  
Um, anyway, I don't own the characters, blah blaha blah, you know the drill. So HERE WE GO INTO THE INTRO! MWAHAHAHEEHEEHOHOHO! (Ignore me, I'm just a little hyper right now and need to get it out in my writing)  
  
Deku Scrub: Welcome to another edition of HYLIAN IDOL!!! My biggest and best fanfic ever!  
  
Honey (who is still Fat Carpenter Boss Guy): KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WE SHOULD STILL BE HOSTS! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Darling: Now Honey...  
  
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP YOU LOSER! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA H!  
  
(Deku Scrub and Darling both faint from Honey's awful breath)  
  
Darling: X - I  
  
Deku Scrub: (X - o  
  
Honey: ...KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Scene 7  
  
Fishing Guy: Hey! Welcome to Hylian Idol! I'm happy to be here, how about you?!  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Cucco Guy: I'm never happy...  
  
Fishing Guy: Hey guy! Take it easy! Be like me and be happy!  
  
Cucco Guy: ...People are disgusting...  
  
Link: (sighs) Honestly, I don't know WHO picks these writers, but...  
  
Zelda: (staring blankly at ceiling while twirling hair) I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Ganondorf: That explains it.  
  
Cucco Guy: You're all disgusting.  
  
Zelda: (dandruff falls from her hair) WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAN?  
  
Link: (dandruff falls on him) EW! GET THAT NASTY JUNK OFF OF MY SILKY BODY! (brushes off dandruff in girly manner)  
  
Fishing Guy: Um...Yeah...Well, anyway, tonight we have a very special contestant. Care to do the honors Cucco Guy?  
  
Ganondorf: (whispers to Link) Is there any point of the Cucco Guy's existence besides giving you the Bunny Hood?  
  
Link: (whispers back) Not really...Except to fill the empty space in front of the tree in Kakariko Village at night.  
  
Ganondorf: Ah...  
  
Zelda: CUCCOS ARE YUMMY!  
  
Audience: BOO! (throws Cuccos at Zelda)  
  
Zelda: EEK! (attempts to slap Cuccos, only falls on her head)  
  
Cucco Guy: Well, now that we've wasted two pages of endless dribble...  
  
Deku Scrub: And 15 minutes of my bedtime!  
  
Fishing Guy: ...We should move on...Anyway, the next contestant is...  
  
Cucco Guy: A disgusting person...  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, that is it, mister! (zaps Cucco Guy into Treasure Chest Shop/Bombchu Bowling Alley lady)  
  
Audience: (gasp)  
  
Zelda: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!  
  
TCS Lady: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!  
  
Fishing guy: Oh for Pete's sake!  
  
Link: Is there a Pete in Hyrule? (puts on glasses and tries to look intelligent)  
  
Fishing Guy: SHUT UP YOU LAZY IDIOTS!!!!! I'M FED UP WITH BEING THE VILLAGE IDIOT! IT'S ALWAYS 'FISHING GUY'S SO STUPID' OR 'FISHING GUY'S A FRIKKIN MORON!' WELL I'VE HAD IT! (eyes glow an evil red)  
  
Deku Scrub: Whoa, watch out! Fishing Guy's mad! My powers may not be able to contain him!  
  
Link: What do you mean 'they won't be able to contain him?' YOU'RE THE AUTHOR!  
  
Deku Scrub: Yes, but let me tell you a story, kiddies...(screen goes to that annoying story backdrop that always comes up whenever Zelda tells a story)  
  
You see, there has always been a secret Eighth Sage too...  
  
Ganondorf: Even more secret than the Seventh?!  
  
Deku Scrub: YES EVEN MORE SECRET THAN THE SEVENTH YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: Wooo...**SECRET**  
  
Deku Scrub: Anyway, back to the story...  
  
This was the Sage of Sheer and Utter Annoyance and Stupidity, or SSUAS for short.  
  
Although he seemed like an empty, classic example of the Token Idiot to the whole, intricate plot of Zelda, he was actually (dramatic music, please...)  
  
DUN DUN DUN! THE STRONGEST SAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Audience: (gasp)  
  
For, you see, this Sage held the ultimate power of truthfulness, that, when its truest true form was truly revealed, unleashed the truthful power of truth unto the true enemy of truthfulness, with the truest power of truthful true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Judges: (blink blink)  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: YES! AND I WILL UNLEASH UPON YOU ALL MY TRUE POWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  
  
Deku Scrub: Which is to make anything he wants happen to anyone he hates. : )  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: THAT'S IT! (zaps Deku Scrub)  
  
Deku Scrub: NO! (pops out of existence)  
  
Link: HOW DARE YOU?! (unsheathes Master Sword) FOR YOU DEKU SCRUB!  
  
Ganondorf: Erm...while Link gets womped by the almighty SSUAS  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: that's ALMIGHTY SSUAS! THE ALMIGHTY MUST BE IN CAPS!  
  
Ganondorf: DON'T HURT ME! ...Anyway, while that happens, Treasure Chest Lady, will you please introduce our next guest already?  
  
TCS Lady: SURE! This next guest is someone that I wanna eat! Please welcome Nabooru!  
  
Nabooru: (Enters stage, notices lipstick is cracking, quickly puts on another coat of hideously pink lipstick) Um, hi, I'll be doing "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child.  
  
Ganondorf: (too busy drooling over Nabooru) Suuuuuuuure...  
  
Nabooru: (ahem) ALL THE WOMEN WHO INDEPENDENT, THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!  
  
Zelda: (throws her hands up in a ditzy manner, smacking Ganondorf full in the face)  
  
Nabooru: ALL THE HONEYS WHO MAKIN MONEY THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!  
  
Zelda: (smacks Ganondorf in face again as she raises her hands)  
  
Nabooru: ALL THE MAMMAS WHO PROFIT DOLLAS THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!  
  
Zelda: (throws hand into Ganondorf's face while gazing around idiotically)  
  
Ganondorf: (has a big bruise on his lip)  
  
Nabooru: (attempting to do a belly-dance) ALL THE LADIES WHO TRULY FEEL ME THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!  
  
Ganondorf: (ducks in preparation for Zelda's hand, waits, looks up curiously, gets smacked again) THAT'S IT! (Zaps Zelda's hand, Triforce of Wisdom peels off, Ganondorf grabs it greedily and shouts in triumph as he pastes it on his own hand)  
  
Nabooru: So, um, how was I?  
  
Zelda: (totally unaware of pain) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! (twirling hair)  
  
Ganondorf: (sighs at Nabooru's "beauty") I loved you...I mean, IT  
  
Zelda: ............................................................................ .........(stares at hand, finally realizing pain) OW!  
  
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: (still battling Eighth Sage - AND LOSING BADLY!!!) Help! I think he knows that my only weapon is my Master Sword! (realizes what he said, smacks lips) ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh crap...  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOL! (makes Master Sword DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY)  
  
Link: OH NO! WITHOUT MY MASTER SWORD, I'LL LOSE MY SEX APPEAL!!!  
  
Zelda: NO! (what's appeal?)  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS; MWAHAHA! AND, BY THE DEFINITION OF RPG'S IN CODE 338-A LITTLE I, (takes out a humongous book called "RPG'S FOR DUMMIES") IF YOU LOSE YOUR SEX APPEAL, YOU CANNOT BE AN RPG HERO!!!!!!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
TCS Lady: YAY! Oh, I mean...NO!  
  
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND NOW I HAVE THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM! IT'LL BE EASY TO KILL LINK AND GET HIS TRIFORCE NOW THAT HE IS..... dare I say it? Oh, I SO dare! ...A NORMAL TEENAGER!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (face breaks out, muscles become average size, voice cracks)  
  
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
TCS Lady: Um...What should I do, Deku Scrub?  
  
Deku Scrub: (still out of existence)  
  
TCS Lady: Um...We'll be back...  
  
Link: .....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Ganondorf: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Zelda: ...OW!  
  
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: ...UM, MIGHT AS WELL... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 


End file.
